Q I AM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER OF A SOLE PARENT AND KNOW THAT THE ABSENT PARENT WAS REJECTED BY THE CHILD BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THEY REALLY ARE SUCH A BAD PARENT
A You might think that you are hearing of the bad parenting practices from a range of sources however the sole source of information supplying all these people could be the sole parent caring for the child. The Family Court process is a winner takes all contest and this means; all contact that a parent and his/her family has with a child, most of the family assets, most of the usuable future income, subsidised legal aid, government benefits, support from a huge amount amount of people that have come to accept the idea that sole parents should be placed on a pedastal. It is therefore not unsurprising that in Family Court cases many parents present their side of the story very different to what it actually was by; omitting things wrong they have done, bending the truth or even outright telling lies. The fact that perjury is not punnishable in the Family Court gets some people used to telling lies. The stress of Court proceedings can make people delusional with an unwillingness to ever retract beliefs they later know as false because of the consequences.
Some ordinary very decent people find the stress of loosing contact with their children and nearly all their assets and income too much and act badly after this happens. This poor behaviour is often used manipulatively against the parent to deny them all contact with their child under an adversarial legal system.
Q I AM A SCHOOL EDUCATOR AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP, HOWEVER WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER IF PARENTS HAVING MARITAL TROUBLES WERE HELPED BY PEOPLE SPECIALLY TRAINED FOR THE JOB SUCH AS MARRIAGE COUNSELLORS
A The quality of compulsory marriage counselling that parents are forced to if they have to go to the Family Court is outstanding however the forces driving parents in society to place their own interests above their children are way to powerful for them to stop.
School educationalists are well placed to help out with education to get the message out there for families and children how they can defend against psychologically destructive parenting practices. Where students are experiencing noticeable problems teachers can refer them to the school Psychologist for counselling and support.
Q I AM A FAMILY MEDICAL DOCTOR AND FEEL THAT I AM OF GREATER VALUE TO MY PATIENTS IF I HELP WITH THEIR MEDICAL PROBLEMS RATHER THAN WORRY ABOUT THEIR DIVORCE PROBLEMS
A The Psychological impact of divorce on children is extreme and if not ameliorated will have lifetime mental and physical impacts on the children in accordance with the Kaiser ACE's study. As a doctor you have a duty to help your patients wherever you can. Parental Alienation comes under the definition of 'Family Violence' in the Family Law Act and consequently your failure to report any concerns that you have to the authorities could result in fines to you of several thousand dollars for each patient you fail to report.
Q I AM A RELIGIOUS LEADER AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP HOWEVER ONCE THE CIVIL PROCESS TAKES OVER I FEEL I AM ENTERING A WAR ZONE THAT THE GOVERNMENT DOES NOT WANT ME TO ENTER
A The best way you can help is by ongoing education programs for all your congregation about psychologically destructive parenting practices. As soon as you become aware that couples are experiencing marital troubles, give them brochures of published studies that show the benefit to children of parents resolving their marital difficulties to put their children first. Do the same with the extended family members.
Q I AM A GODPARENT AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP BUT ONE OR BOTH PARENTS HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THEY DON'T WANT ME GETTING INVOLVED
A You made a lifelong commitment to watch over your God Children to help them whenever you can and now is a crucial time when they really need your help.
You may hear terrible stories about the terrible things one or both parents are alleged to have done during their divorce. Some of these terrible things have been done because the divorce process forces people to do the most terrible things. Some of these are part of a cleverly crafted 'Smear Campaign' designed to denigrate a parent and create a genuinely held belief that one parent is bad to all people that have any contact with a child. If this happens it is likely that one parent will be wiped out of the life of a child.
You need to keep in contact with the parents and their other family and friends and do what you can to put a stop to negativity that some parents can't seem to stop about the other parent. It is tragic that the Government has implemented systems to incite divorce wars to last for decades.
Q THE CHILDREN DO NOT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH THE OTHER PARENT – 'I CAN'T FORCE THEM TO GO'
A It is a parent's responsibility to ensure that their children have a relationship with the other parent just as they make or 'force' their children to go to school or go to the doctor if they are sick. A child can pick up one parent's subtle clues that that parent does not subconciously want the child to visit the other parent. Parents who are not firm that the child needs to spend time with the other parent are allowing Parental Role Reversal otherwise known as Parentification to take place. This is symptomatic of the parent having Psychological disorders such as Narcissism or Borderline Personality disorders.
Q THE FAMILY COURT HAS ORDERED THAT THE CHILDREN SHOULD NOT SEE THE OTHER PARENT – I HAVE TO ABIDE BY THE ORDER OF THESE COURT EXPERTS
A While Judges and lawyers are qualified in legal matters, most have have NIL qualifications in Psychology and consequently are not qualified to make decisions on the welfare of children.
Judge Harvey Brownstone comments that Judges are, 'trained in the law by the way, not social work, not child psychology, we are not counsellors or therapists, to make a decision about children'. (2 minutes 14 seconds)
Some Judges do not want to make decisions about child custody because they know they will likely make a bad decision.
Judge Michael Scopelitis in the above video.
In some instances Judges do receive guidance from Psychologists in what are known as Family Reports however the professional Psychological organisation that governs Australian Psychologists have yet to agree on the issues that need to be assessed during custody evaluations. The Australian Psychological Association note that, ' There is little to no research that answers the question of what is in the best interest of the child'.
The determination of what time children should spend with each parent is very subjective and will depend very much on which Psychologist is chosen for the job.
Harvard Psychiatrist Dr Steven Miller is passionate that many child custody evaluators are not properly qualified for the job.
If you think the court orders are wrong and need to be changed do it with the consent of the other parent. Do everything you can to keep away from Court.
Q I AM WORRIED IF MY CHILD SPENDS TIME WITH THE OTHER PARENT HE OR SHE WILL NOT KEEP THEM SAFE
A The issues surrounding divorce especially including financial issues between spouses make parents very anxious and often generates unfounded anxieties that the other parent is not careful with the safety of the child. Parents should remember that prior to divorce they were happy to entrust the other parent with the care of the child so they should not unnecsessarily worry. Unless they have solid grounds for their fears it can be the sign of mental illness which in some cases can prove to be fatal for a child's wellbeing.
The Inquest into the deaths of Grace's two sisters and mother found:
'The evidence makes clear that parties to Family Court proceeding can be subjected to intense, ongoing stress. It is also clear that such stress, along with cannabis use, was a contributing, if not precipitating, factor of Ms Glendinning’s psychosis. '(paragraph 225)
Q I WANT THE BEST FOR MY CHILDREN SO I WILL FIGHT FOR THEM TO BE WITH ME MOST OF THE TIME BECAUSE I AM THE BEST PARENT
A In the above video, Family Court Judge Michael Scopelitis states among other things, '...the parent goes in claiming to be supporting the best interests of the child when in fact what they are trying to do is further their own adgenda...the child is just a pawn....litigation destroys a families ability to work anything out together...'
Other parents are genuinely fighting for the best for their children however the outcome for children is far to damaging for them.
Q MY SPOUSE WAS REALLY BAD TO ME DURING THE DIVORCE AND MY CHILDREN ARE ENTITLED TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM/HER – MY CASE IS DIFFERENT TO OTHER PEOPLE'S CASES
A During acrimonious divorces each spouse genuinely feels that the other one has done a lot of wrong to them. Children's minds are way too fragile to be hearing either mum or dad's unhappy stories about each other. Each spouse has to for the sake of their children hold off from pouring any negativity on to their children about the other spouse. It might seem like your case is different, however the extreme stress caused by divorce means that anyone going through divorce cannot rely upon themselves to make rational decisions.
Psychologist Dr Phil explains that it is not ok to involve children in adult issues.
Columnist Amy Dickenson gives her suggestion on an instance it is ok to tell lies to your child in the Washington Post. Psychologist Richard Warshak gives guidance on when kids need to know bad things about a parent in the Huffington Post.
Q I HAVE SEEN THESE PUBLISHED STUDIES THAT SHOW CHILDREN DO MUCH BETTER BEING CARED FOR BY TWO PARENTS RATHER THAN ONE HOWEVER I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS APPLICABLE IN OUR CASE – EVEN OTHER PARENTS AT THE SCHOOL SAY WHAT A FANTASTIC PARENT I AM
A You have to be realistic, these other parents could just be trying to be polite to you. They may see children who are well dressed and polite, how could they possibly know your other failings as a parent ? The other parent of your children may feel they are a better parent than you. Why should your opinion carry more weight than theirs ? Ask any child who has later escaped the bonds of Parental Alienation, these children are all very angry they were denied having a second parent in their upbringing.
Ask any cook if you can bake as good a cake as other cooks if you leave out the main ingredients ! Try and persuade any road safety expert that you are such a good driver that you do not need seatbelts for you and your children !
Q AS A WOMAN I FEEL FEMALES ARE BEST PLACED TO CARE FOR CHILDREN
A The gender roles today are becoming blurred, as so many men are showing that they are very capable cooking and cleaning and women are showing themselves very capable at sports and outside activities. The truth is that children need to learn the different strengths that both genders offer. There are many experts who will attest that girls and boys both benefit from having a male role model in their life and that girls and boys both benefit from having a female role model in their life.
Q MY SPOUSE IS VERY UNREASONABLE AND WE NEED TO GO TO COURT AND SORT OUT OUR DIFFERENCES TO END OUR DISPUTATION
A The an old Danish proverb: “One goes to court with one lawsuit and comes home with two.” understates that when it comes to family law disputes, once parents finally get a decision out of the court which can take a couple of years “The judge’s decision is actually the starter’s pistol to the family’s odyssey of conflict.” (lawyer Sheldon (Shelly) Finman)
Q THIS WONT TAKE LONG AND IT WON'T IMPACT THE KIDS
A Incorrect. The process can take a very long time and severely impacts on children. To quote from Alienated child Grace whose Alienating mother murdered her two sisters and then killed herself:
“The Family Court of WA has been a part of my life as long as I can remember (she was 18 when she wrote this)
My overall experience of the Family Court has been one of immense negativity, distress and trauma.
Those who interviewed me always had an agenda outside of 'checking up' on how my sisters and I were feeling, both emotionally and physically. We just never knew whose agenda we were supposed to be serving in our interviews
• Many repeatedly suggested scenarios that they believed to have happened (but never had) were put to us and pushed on us in the interviews in what felt like an endeavour to give certain answers to their questions. Sometimes in the end we agreed with whatever they were putting to us because we were tired and fed up of being there and just wanted to stop being asked those questions and get out.
Mum would show me the court documents and tell me all about the proceedings and would talk about how the Family Court was trying to take us away from her and go on rants about my father that would either involve her breaking chairs in the house or crying uncontrollably.
Mum never really worked full time as her days were consumed by the court battles.
Mum's family never felt approachable on the subject, and in the early stages of my life I rarely saw Dad's side of the family (which I did not understand then but now know it was because of Orders made by the family court?
When I did eventually see my Dad on a more regular basis I just didn't know how to raise it without getting Mum into trouble (an inaccurate belief but one that my 13 yo self held)
The current practice of sending a psychologist or social worker into the home of children for a few hours is flawed; children lie, withhold the truth, have been coached by a parent and have been led to believe they will not see a parent again if they told the truth, all of these are things that I have done, been told and accepted as truth throughout my childhood.
I did not have all of the facts, I did not have the situation explained to me in a truthful and unbiased way and no child should be asked to choose between their parents. I wish someone had explained to us why we never saw dad, explained that he did love us and wanted to see us but we never got that.
We were only ever told what mum wanted us to think of him and it was never positive and never unbiased.”
Q WHY DOES THIS WEBSITE APPEAR TO TARGET CHILDREN – ISN'T THIS SITE JUST INVOLVING CHILDREN IN THE ADULT ISSUES THAT IT SAIS CHILDREN SHOULD NOT KNOW ABOUT
A The site is targeted at separating and separated parents in western countries that have family law systems that invite disputing parents to involve their children in their disputes. It is hoped that older teenagers will read the site and pass the message down to younger children. Peer pressure is very strong with children and this will hopefully help motivate children to defend themselves.
Unfortunately the Governments of many countries have for their own reasons systems that involve a child in such an adult issue as giving them the right to erase a parent out of their lives. Until these systems are removed, children need a defence and that is what this site does. The site is written to be independent as the author of the website is not blaming Mr Brown or Mrs Smith. Parental Alienation is not gender specific and alienating parents can be both dads and mums.
The 'adult issues' that Psychologists are concerned about are issues that are specific to a child's own family such as; 'Your mum is using lawyers to take away our house', and 'my new boyfriend wants me to kiss him and I am not ready for it' and 'your mum lied to the court about how many gold bars she keeps in the safe' and 'your father is wealthy he shouldn't be taking me to court to pay for your school fees'.
The Parental Alienation Awareness Organisation (PAAO) – founders of Parental Alienation Awareness day on the 25th of April have a range of merchandise for sale with their logo and web site details including teddy bears.