* 26 % of children of separated parents in Australia see one parent less than once per year. This statistic is likely similar to many western countries with modern No Fault Divorce laws.
DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN BECOME STATISTICS - think how you can share your children with the other parent to maximise the benefit for your children.
VALUE OF HAVING BOTH PARENTS IN A CHILD'S LIFE
- Receive double the love
- Makes contact with other relatives easy
- Help with homework
- Help with sports
- Help with music, drama etc
- Help on holidays
- More help when sick
- More presents
- Needed for psychological development
- Research shows children achieve better in life.
No one parent is better than your other parent, each have good and not so good characteristics.
IT IS NOT CHILDREN'S FAULT
If parents are having marital difficulties,
children need to understand that:
Children are not the cause of their parents marital difficulties.
Our society puts a lot of pressure on families.
If parents do decide to separate the system puts pressure on them to behave badly.
PARENT RULES NOT TO BE BROKEN
- Don't move
more than 3 km away from the other parent.
Family Court Litigation (ie going to Court) damages children psychologically. Don't do it.
- Children to spend lots of time with both parents.
- Say positive things about the other parent.
- Not say negative things about the other parent.
- Parent/child communication is not to be interfered with or monitored.
- Don't interfere with photos and other momentos of the other parent in your house.
- Don't withdraw love when the child shows positive connection to the other parent.
- Don't tell the child that the other parent does not love them.
- Don't pressure a child to choose between parents.
- Don't create the impression that the other parent is dangerous.
- Children not to be confided and told any adult issues.(ie adult partner information, information about divorce, financial matters between parents, etc)
- Allow the parent child roles to be reversed.
- Don't force the child to reject the other parent.
- Children are not to be used as spies.
- Don't ask the child to keep secrets from the other parent.
- Refer to the other parent as mum or dad not by their name.
- Treat step parents as step parents not real parents.
- Share important information such as medical, educational and other relevant information with the other parent.
- Ensuring that the other parent's name is on medical, academic, and other relevant documents.
- Do not change the child's name.
- Do not cultivate dependency on the part of the child.
- Children not to be used as messengers.
- Time with children not a bargaining chip.
List compiled with the aid of published works by Dr Amy Baker & Paul Fine which are representative of many writings by academic authors of Parental Alienation. The items on the list come mostly from Psyschologists interviewing children that have eventually escaped parental alienation such as Brendan & JP Byrne.
IF ANY RULES BROKEN
PARENT & CHILDREN MUST:
- Let the other parent know
- Let both sets of relatives know
- Let God Parent's/Religious know
- Let school psychologist know
- Let school friends know
- Call Kids Helpline 1800 551 800
Unless steps are taken to fix things.
ALIENATION OF A CHILD FROM ANOTHER PARENT IS PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE
The writings on this website are based on information the author has learned from published literature by Parental Alienation professionals such as Psychologists, own experience and knowledge passed on by others. The information is generic and not about specific persons. The information on this website is not a substitute for professional advice and you should not rely on it. It is recommended that you seek professional advice before you take any action.