DON'T BE A BYSTANDER
DON'T BE A BYSTANDER
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If you come across anyone (child or adult) who does not refer to a parent with parent respectful names such as mum, my mother, dad, my father it is close to 100 % certain that family bond has been obstructed by a process known as 'Pathogenic Parenting' where a child has been manipulated to reject a parent. The above slide is from a presentation done by Dr Craig Childress at a Symposium in Dallas in 2017.
The bonding of a child to a parent is so strong that in Social Worker Linda Gottlieb's (see the video at 9 minutes 50 seconds) 16 years of working with removing over 3,000 children from their parents in New York due to adjudicated cases of abuse to foster homes, not one of them wanted to leave their parents. Linda tells us that some of these children were severely abused in the worst possible ways.
The strength of the bonding will even survive attempts by a parent to murder their child. Even these children do not want to reject such a parent. The only way a child will reject a parent is if they have been coached to do so.
If you see any child that has been totally cut off from one parent consider that prime-a-facie the child has been psychologically abused. In some cases these children are estranged however they still need help from outsiders. Our modern society takes away the right (enshrined in law by the United Nations but disregarded by most western governments) of a child of divorce/separation to have the involvement of both parents in their life. So if the custodial parent has major psychological problems there is no-where the child can turn to for help.
Children who have been cut-off from the other parent via Pathogenic Parenting are very resistant to rebond with their Targeted Parent despite an inner yearning to do so. The Aligned Parent will often claim that they have/are trying to get the child to rebond with the Targeted Parent however they have no genuine desire to do so. Aside from Family Court action, there are no published strategies of directly encouraging reunification through either the Abusive parent or the Abused child that have been proven to work.
It is suggested that the only way to achieve this is by reversing the process that caused it in the first place. That is to get all the family and friends (these are the people known as the 'flying monkeys' who knowingly or unknowingly supported the Pathogenic Parenting) on side to understand the problem and the value of correcting it. This can be done by getting as many of the family and friends as possible educated about the problem.
Find a family member of the Sole Parent such as a sibling or parent that is most sympathetic to the situation. Sometimes it plays on the conscience of people who are religious that the duty to respect both parents is enshrined in the Ten Commandments and ought to be adhered to. Do what you can to persaude this person to go to a specialist accredited Child Psychological Abuse psychologist that can help explain what has happened and how to rectify the situation. The cost is heavily subsidised if they get a referral from their local doctor.
After this person has been educated use them to help encourage the other family members to go along. The next person you select MUST be the one who is most likely to be sympathetic to the cause. You can use the same process with the psychologically abused child's friends.
If you have most of the flying monkeys on side (don't expect you will get all of them) this will significantly boost your chances of cutting the child free from the chains of child psychological abuse.
The only way you can do this is have the child not live with the Aligned Parent/Aligning influences and cut all contact with them for a significant period of time such as 90 days. The child should gradually be reintroduced to contact with the Aligned Parent once they can demonstrate a healthy psychological approach to parenthood. Do not use a therapist unless they are an accredited specialist in this.
It would be great if the flying monkeys could sway the Aligned Parent to genuinely try to set the child free from the abuse however this is unlikely.
DON'T WAIT
Sadly we don't have the strong family and extended family structures to protect children from psychological abuse as in previous generations so with the aid of modern Family Courts it is very easy for disturbed parents to psychologically abuse a child. If you see a parent GROOMING a child for psychological abuse by not following the rules laid out in this website engage as many of the people significant in that child's life as you can to help them.
Once a child has been psychologically abused they may never grow out of it. Following are some examples of children who didn't grow out of it until they were adults:
Researcher Dr Amy Baker discovered one child who did not reunite till 47 years after he had rejected his father. Dana Laquidara was cut off from her mother at age 4 and did not get to see her again till her twenties and did not get to reunite to her till her fourties.
Karen Woodall was cut off for 30 years from her mother. The psychological abuse survived the death of her aligned father and having children.
Australian politician Anthony Albanese was only triggered to reconnect with his father after having difficulty explaining about his father to his son when he was in his forties. This was several years after his Aligned mother had passed away.
Monique Leon was psychologically abused till age 30 https://youtu.be/sPSDMUgeYQ8 after 3 marriages.
Psychologically abused child Dan from the DVD Welcome Back Pluto had desire to be set free from the abuse with his father as an adult however by the time he tried to re-establish contact he sadly found out that his father had just passed away.
All these children regret the time they lost not having a relationship with their Targeted Parent. All regretted not reconnecting with their Targeted parent much sooner than they did.
As long as psychologically abused children remain cut off they are at harm:
-much higher rate of suicide;
-the child has psychologically killed the Targeted parent in their mind however the trauma is worse than a real death because it it is ongoing;
-they have difficulty forming relationships because they see everything is either right or wrong because their mind is in a psychologically split state;
-they have difficulty forming lasting relationships because they are too psychologically enmeshed with the Aligned parent;
-they will likely have a personality disorder such as Narcissistic Personality disorder or Borderline Personality disorder transferred to them by the Aligned parent that needs treatment;
-they are at risk of intergenerational child psychological abuse.
*** FIX CHILD PSYCHOLOGICAL ABUSE NOW !!! DONT WAIT ***
A large number of cases of children having no contact with one of their parents of divorce are facilitated directly or indirectly by our modern Family Law/Child Support system yet when we meet Sole Parents caring for a child that has no contact with the other parent, very rarely will they tell us this. Following are the common reasons given:
-The other parent is dead.
-The other parent is in prison.
-The other parent was very violent.
-The other parent abandoned the children.
All these reasons evoke sympathy and a natural reaction to want to help this sole parent. Given that it is likely that the majority of children are cut off directly or as an indirect effect of the Family Law system most sole parents telling these stories are not telling the truth. Clues that the story is not truthful will be that the story is supported or accompanied by several other hard to believe stories. The reason for this is that anyone who would deliberately cut a parent out of a child's life has a psychological disorder and these people are often delusional. When people accept this untrue story they often help out with:
-money;
-food, clothing and household goods;
-child minding;
-emotional support.
and are unwittingly supporting this parent from cutting the child off from the other parent. Without this support many Aligned parents would find it difficult to maintain the child cut off.
It is in the child's best interests that anyone that can help to put these children in contact with their other parent and families should do so.
Ways that we can help these children:
'The other parent is dead'
Try and see how much the child knows about the other side of their family to see if they have any contact with them. Find out if the child expresses positive feelings for the 'deceased' parent and family.
If the child doesn't express positive feelings towards the 'deceased' parent then inform the sole parent that you can recommend to them a specialist Psychologist that can help. The cost is heavily subsidised if they get a referral from their local doctor.
Then you should inform, the relatives of the deceased parent (if you can find them), God Parents/Religious, the school Psychologist and other people who know this sole parent.
'The other parent is in prison'
Inform them that you are connected to a group that assists prisoners to become better people so they can restore their relationship with their children so if they can tell you which prison they are in you can pass the details on to your contacts (Divorce Pizza will do that for you) who will arrange pastoral care. Try and see if the child expresses positive feelings towards the absent parent. Try and see how much the child knows about the other side of their family to see if they have any contact with them.
If the child doesn't express positive feelings towards the 'absent' parent and family then inform the sole parent that you can recommend to them a specialist Psychologist that can help. The cost is heavily subsidised if they get a referral from their local doctor.
Then you should inform, the relatives of the 'Absent' parent (if you can find them), God Parents/Religious, the school Psychologist and other people who know this sole parent.
'The other parent was very violent'
Take notice whether the child starts telling (a sign that the child is a coached supporter of the parent and the claim of abuse is likely false) you about the violence or the child is very reluctant to talk about the violence (normal in the case of genuine abuse). Inform them that you are connected to a group that assists violent people to become better people so they can restore their relationship with their children so if they can give you contact details of the other parent you can connect them with a good psychologist and pastoral care that can help (Divorce Pizza will do that for you).
Try and see how much the child knows about the other side of their family to see if they have any contact with them. Find out if the child expresses positive feelings for the other parent and family.
If the child doesn't express positive feelings towards the 'absent' parent and family then inform the sole parent that you can recommend to them a specialist Psychologist that can help. The cost is heavily subsidised if they get a referral from your local doctor.
Then you should inform, the relatives of the 'Absent' parent (if you can find them), God Parents/Religious, the school Psychologist and other people who know this sole parent.
'The other parent abandoned them'
Inform them that you are connected to a group that assists absent parents to want to have relationship with their children so could they give you the contact details of the absent parent and you will pass that on.
Try and see how much the child knows about the other side of their family to see if they have any contact with them. Find out if the child expresses positive feelings for the other parent and family.
If the child doesn't express positive feelings towards the 'Absent' parent and family then inform the sole parent that you can recommend to them a specialist Psychologist that can help them. The cost is heavily subsidised if they get a referral from your local doctor.
Then you should inform, the relatives of the 'Absent' parent (if you can find them), God Parents/Religious, the school Psychologist and other people who know this sole parent.
It doesn't matter if a child's parent is a very bad person the child still needs some interaction with the other parent. In modern society the relationship of a child with their non resident parent is determined by the relationship that parent has with the other parent NOT what sort of a person they are. This is evidenced by the number of people who go and visit their parents in prison. For example the daughter of gangland killer Carl Williams loved her dad and had a great relationship with him.
The proven way to fix a severed relationship with an absent parent is to remove the child/adult away from all contact with the Aligned parent for 90 days or so and reintroduce the child/adult to the absent parent. If the child lost contact from the absent parent due to estrangement then the Aligned parent is likely to genuinely foster rebuilding the relationship with the absent parent. If the child lost contact from the Aligned parent due to child psychological abuse then the Aligned parent is unlikely to genuinely foster rebuilding the relationship with the absent parent. Support from family and friends will help greatly. If this strategy is not working, do whatever you can to explain to significant figures in the child/adults life like school friends and girlfriends/wives and boyfriends/husbands the situation. Do this as tactfully as you can.
There are many known cases where children/adults have escaped child psychological abuse due to the prompting and encouragement of significant figures in the child's life. The problem unfortunately is that very few people know how to recognise if someone is psychologically abused and what to do about it. They need information to assist them.
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