FAQ's
Q I AM A FRIEND OR FAMILY MEMBER OF A SOLE PARENT AND KNOW THAT THE ABSENT PARENT WAS REJECTED BY THE CHILD BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THEY REALLY ARE SUCH A BAD PARENT
A You might think that you are hearing of the bad parenting practices from a range of sources however the sole source of information supplying all these people could be the sole parent caring for the child. The Family Court process is a winner takes all contest and this means; all contact that a parent and his/her family has with a child, most of the family assets, most of the usuable future income, subsidised legal aid, government benefits, support from a huge amount amount of people that have come to accept the idea that sole parents should be placed on a pedastal. It is therefore not unsurprising that in Family Court cases many parents present their side of the story very different to what it actually was by; omitting things wrong they have done, bending the truth or even outright telling lies. The fact that perjury is not punnishable in the Family Court gets some people used to telling lies. The stress of Court proceedings can make people delusional with an unwillingness to ever retract beliefs they later know as false because of the consequences.
Some ordinary very decent people find the stress of loosing contact with their children and nearly all their assets and income too much and act badly after this happens. This poor behaviour is often used manipulatively against the parent to deny them all contact with their child under an adversarial legal system.
Q I AM A SCHOOL EDUCATOR AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP, HOWEVER WOULDN'T IT BE BETTER IF PARENTS HAVING MARITAL TROUBLES WERE HELPED BY PEOPLE SPECIALLY TRAINED FOR THE JOB SUCH AS MARRIAGE COUNSELLORS
A The quality of compulsory marriage counselling that parents are forced to if they have to go to the Family Court is outstanding however the forces driving parents in society to place their own interests above their children are way to powerful for them to stop.
School educationalists are well placed to help out with education to get the message out there for families and children how they can defend against psychologically destructive parenting practices. Where students are experiencing noticeable problems teachers can refer them to the school Psychologist for counselling and support.
Q I AM A FAMILY MEDICAL DOCTOR AND FEEL THAT I AM OF GREATER VALUE TO MY PATIENTS IF I HELP WITH THEIR MEDICAL PROBLEMS RATHER THAN WORRY ABOUT THEIR DIVORCE PROBLEMS
A The Psychological impact of divorce on children is extreme and if not ameliorated will have lifetime mental and physical impacts on the children in accordance with the Kaiser ACE's study. As a doctor you have a duty to help your patients wherever you can. Child Psychological Abuse comes under the definition of 'Family Violence' in the Family Law Act and consequently your failure to report any concerns that you have to the authorities could result in fines to you of several thousand dollars for each patient you fail to report.
Q I AM A RELIGIOUS LEADER AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP HOWEVER ONCE THE CIVIL PROCESS TAKES OVER I FEEL I AM ENTERING A WAR ZONE THAT THE GOVERNMENT DOES NOT WANT ME TO ENTER
A The best way you can help is by ongoing education programs for all your congregation about psychologically destructive parenting practices. As soon as you become aware that couples are experiencing marital troubles, give them brochures of published studies that show the benefit to children of parents resolving their marital difficulties to put their children first. Do the same with the extended family members.
Q I AM A GODPARENT AND WOULD LIKE TO HELP BUT ONE OR BOTH PARENTS HAVE MADE IT CLEAR THEY DON'T WANT ME GETTING INVOLVED
A You made a lifelong commitment to watch over your God Children to help them whenever you can and now is a crucial time when they really need your help.
You may hear terrible stories about the terrible things one or both parents are alleged to have done during their divorce. Some of these terrible things have been done because the divorce process forces people to do the most terrible things. Some of these are part of a cleverly crafted 'Smear Campaign' designed to denigrate a parent and create a genuinely held belief that one parent is bad to all people that have any contact with a child. If this happens it is likely that one parent will be wiped out of the life of a child.
You need to keep in contact with the parents and their other family and friends and do what you can to put a stop to negativity that some parents can't seem to stop about the other parent. It is tragic that the Government has implemented systems to incite divorce wars to last for decades.
Q THE CHILDREN DO NOT WANT TO SPEND TIME WITH THE OTHER PARENT – 'I CAN'T FORCE THEM TO GO'
A It is a parent's responsibility to ensure that their children have a relationship with the other parent just as they make or 'force' their children to go to school or go to the doctor if they are sick. A child can pick up one parent's subtle clues that that parent does not subconsciously want the child to visit the other parent. Parents who are not firm that the child needs to spend time with the other parent are allowing Parental Role Reversal otherwise known as Parentification to take place. This is also one of Dr Childress's 12 Associated Clinical Signs of pathogenic parenting. Pathogenic parents will at a minimum have a psychological disorder such as Narcissism or Borderline Personality disorders.
Q MY SPOUSE WAS REALLY BAD TO ME DURING THE DIVORCE AND MY CHILDREN ARE ENTITLED TO KNOW THE TRUTH ABOUT HIM/HER – MY CASE IS DIFFERENT TO OTHER PEOPLE'S CASES
A During acrimonious divorces each spouse genuinely feels that the other one has done a lot of wrong to them. Children's minds are way too fragile to be hearing either mum or dad's unhappy stories about each other. Each spouse has to for the sake of their children hold off from pouring any negativity on to their children about the other spouse. It might seem like your case is different, however the extreme stress caused by divorce means that anyone going through divorce cannot rely upon themselves to make rational decisions.
Psychologist Dr Phil explains that it is not ok to involve children in adult issues.
Columnist Amy Dickenson gives her suggestion on an instance it is ok to tell lies to your child in the Washington Post. Psychologist Richard Warshak gives guidance on when kids need to know bad things about a parent in the Huffington Post.
Q I HAVE SEEN THESE PUBLISHED STUDIES THAT SHOW CHILDREN DO MUCH BETTER BEING CARED FOR BY TWO PARENTS RATHER THAN ONE HOWEVER I DON'T BELIEVE IT IS APPLICABLE IN OUR CASE – EVEN OTHER PARENTS AT THE SCHOOL SAY WHAT A FANTASTIC PARENT I AM
A You have to be realistic, these other parents could just be trying to be polite to you. They may see children who are well dressed and polite, how could they possibly know your other failings as a parent ? The other parent of your children may feel they are a better parent than you. Why should your opinion carry more weight than theirs ? Ask any child who has later escaped the bonds of Child Psychological Abuse, these children are all very angry they were denied having a second parent in their upbringing.
Ask any cook if you can bake as good a cake as other cooks if you leave out the main ingredients ! Try and persuade any road safety expert that you are such a good driver that you do not need seatbelts for you and your children !
Q AS A WOMAN I FEEL FEMALES ARE BEST PLACED TO CARE FOR CHILDREN
A The gender roles today are becoming blurred, as so many men are showing that they are very capable cooking and cleaning and women are showing themselves very capable at sports and outside activities. The truth is that children need to learn the different strengths that both genders offer. There are many experts who will attest that girls and boys both benefit from having a male role model in their life and that girls and boys both benefit from having a female role model in their life.
Q WHY DOES THIS WEBSITE APPEAR TO TARGET CHILDREN – ISN'T THIS SITE JUST INVOLVING CHILDREN IN THE ADULT ISSUES THAT IT SAIS CHILDREN SHOULD NOT KNOW ABOUT
A The site is targeted at separating and separated parents in western countries that have family law systems that invite disputing parents to involve their children in their disputes. It is hoped that older teenagers will read the site and pass the message down to younger children. Peer pressure is very strong with children and this will hopefully help motivate children to defend themselves.
Unfortunately the Governments of many countries have for their own reasons systems that involve a child in such an adult issue as giving them the right to erase a parent out of their lives. Until these systems are removed, children need a defence and that is what this site does. The site is written to be independent as the author of the website is not blaming Mr Brown or Mrs Smith. Child Psychological Abuse is not gender specific and abusive parents can be both dads and mums.
The 'adult issues' that Psychologists are concerned about are issues that are specific to a child's own family such as; 'Your mum is using lawyers to take away our house', and 'my new boyfriend wants me to kiss him and I am not ready for it' and 'your mum lied to the court about how many gold bars she keeps in the safe' and 'your father is wealthy he shouldn't be taking me to court to pay for your school fees'.
Q MY LAWYER HAS SUGGESTED THAT I GET A RESTRAINING ORDER. SHOULD I LISTEN TO THEIR ADVICE
A During the separation process things can get stressfull and many people will suggest that for your own protection you should get a Restraining Order. This may seem like wise advice however if you are genuinely fearful for your safety there are other much more effective ways to protect yourself. It can significantly escalate the dispute, adding acrimony, cost and damage the much needed co-operative relationship your children need both parents to have.